my heart beats faster....

Many days have passed by since i had given my CAT entrance examination and i was neither too happy nor too mad at myself after giving the test. Things moved along calmly henceforth and i nearly forgot the fact that the results were fast approaching. But the ignorance dint last long. Last week i visited home for a very small duration to attend the birthday of my cousin's twin babies. Everyone i met kept asking me about the results which were yet to come and made me realize that they were fast coming. An uncanny feeling in me started disturbing my day and night since then. Idiotic questions started taking birth in my mind as usually. Questions like what if i don't get the cut off percentile?, what if i don't get a call from any of the IIMs? "Dude i feel fucked up", the words which always slip from my mouth when i'm in a situation like this one and i really feel fucked up.

But what if i really clear the cut offs, the very thought gives me so much peace..man this is wonderful, either i'm going to be the happiest person in this world or i'm seriously going to screw up my new year. I said pain is good but it would be difficult to accept this very pain after you have strived for the success so long and defeat means a lot more than the very meaning itself. This thing is really eating up my mind, how should i get over this? i hope someone gives me a wonderful idea out of his box to help me get over this. But the pathetic thing is, no one cares to read this blog and help me,it is all me who reads it over and over again and if i expect some help from the readers then i would definitely be asking myself,but i can't help myself so there is no use of the last 6-7 lines i've been scribbling in this blog.

Dude give me something, for god sake give me a coke to drink, that would at least cool me down, give me some god damn thing that would make me feel better. HEHE i'll tell you a secret, i seriously started trusting god, every time i come across an idol or a picture of an almighty i start praying and i pray only one thing,please don't throw me into the dark, it will be fucking difficult to get out of that darkness, oh man give me something, give me a million dollars..give me a CBR 250cc...or give me a BMW X1...give me something for god sake....even a kiss from a beautiful angel would do....hehehe.....

"love the pain"

"Heroes are not born, heroes are made" and the real colour of a true hero is only visible when he fights strong in the times of adversity and when he loves what he is doing. A real hero loves fighting, loves the pain he is undergoing because you cannot fight unless you know what you are fighting for. Understanding the pain of defeat or the pain of suffering can bring out the true character inside anyone.

People might think this is insane, but i think pain is good, every time you feel the pain you realise that there are miles to go before you sleep. Every time i feel the pain i reminisce the days of defeat and sorrow. This will bring out the best in anyone because everything a human being does is to run away from his dark history to a place where he can find a strange peace, a state of peace which only he can understand.

Pain has always been misinterpreted as the darker side of life. But without pain there has never been a gain and will never be one, this is also universally accepted. A person living his life in the shade of glory forever will forget the significance of being successful. The true meaning of success can only be known to those people who have come out of the ashes to conquer the world. Without defeat there is no success and success always follows or rather should always follow defeat.

I pity those who only love to succeed and who hate to lose, but in real when it comes down to living a life filled with love, one needs to love losing as much as winning. But how could this serve if one does not know what he must do to love the defeat, the solution is simple just love the pain. Love the pain caused by your defeat, love the state of madness you are thrown into, because people remember best when they love something, and if you love the pain you will understand it's true meaning, by understanding the true meaning of pain you can convert the biggest obstacle to success into the biggest step to success, but why success when you love the pain, because success is even better and one should love success more than pain....love the pain....love the success that follows....love your life!!!

"The sufferers of the aftermath"

IIT-JEE,the entrance examination for the IIT's is considered to be one of the toughest examination in Asia. Students study really hard to clear the exam and those who deserve to qualify do so and reserve a berth in one of the most prestigious colleges in India. Parents are elated to see their kids succeed because they know the type of platform or the initial drive given by the IIT's to the students in the start of their professional lives. Parents believe their kids are going to end up in premium industries and organisations with a very good compensation and they are not wrong because it has been the case for the past 2 decades. The placements in the IIT's have always been mind wobbling and a person who has cleared IIT-JEE is bound to get placed in a very good organisation.

I studied really hard for around 2 years, had no contact with any of my school friends, concentrated only on clearing the exam and i finally cleared the exam with a decent rank. My parents were among the happiest people in this world with both their children getting into IIT's. I ended up in the prestigious electrical engineering branch of IIT Roorkee. 2007 and 2008 placement seasons in the IIT's are considered to be the best placement seasons till date. The placements were wonderful and the average package for our branch was around 7.5 lakhs. People with a decent gpa expected no less than 10 lakhs per annum and we were among the happiest people believing that the initial pay would rise over the years.

Then the tables turned and the world economy shattered because of the century's biggest economic recession which saw several organisations going bankrupt and many more getting to the verge of bankruptcy. The effect was horrible and the immediate effect fell on our senior batch which experienced horrid placements. More than half of the batch was not placed and the world of elite section suddenly started looking for jobs which would pay them something with which they can hide themselves. The aftermath was horrible and it completely destroyed the placements all over the country. The circumstances lead to a very bad placement season and we knew it was not going to be any good for our year too. People started cutting out expenditures, started firing people and cost cutting measures were at its peak. We were being too optimistic in believing the things to get better,but they remained the same, the economy did not cope up,the policies of the organisations to cut the costs remained the same and we knew that the placements were ought to be sunken for our year too.

Circumstances like these forced me to take a pre placement offer given by Reliance Industries for a compensation of 5 lakhs. My parents never thought i would work for a company which would pay me so less. They were also very much influenced by the colourful placements in IIT's and raised the bar in their minds. Mom always says;why should have this happened? why only for you? then i told her that all i need to see is the competition in the present condition and my job in the present situation is not that bad. I was brave enough to face the facts and moved forward.

I joined Reliance Industries and after coming here i witnessed how the things were changing all over the world and how the placements started flourishing again. The placements this year are better than that of 2007-08. Now what should i say when my mom asks me the same thing again? i can't give her the same answer because the world is moving forward and i am stuck here. I or rather our batch definitely dint get the initial boost that generally IITians do get. So it finally comes down to the easy conclusion that "we are the sufferers of the aftermath".

"Dec 11,2010....oh my god im growing old"

One more year has gone past and made me one year older than what i was yesterday. I was never so thrilled about my birthday and neither i am now, but every time i pass through this day i feel i have wasted another year without doing justice to myself. Well i would not go deep into this as it would lead to the same conclusion as the previous post. But my birthday is a lot special to my loved ones whose love has only been increasing every year for the past 22 years.

I guess i was 17 when i first joined in B-Tech. Every birthday in my B-Tech made me feel how fast the days were becoming history in my college and now every birthday after my college makes me realize how far i have travelled in my life leaving the college behind. But what makes this birthday really special is that i still feel i am very young and can face any challenge. I was scared to leave the college as i thought i would get lost in the billions around me, but somewhere deep inside my heart i feel that i have still got it in me, the zeal and the confidence are not dead yet.

Today in the course of my journey in Reliance i find myself stubborn to face each day and get through with it, life ain't easy but life here is very simple and i cant complaint that life is tough only because it bores me. Tougher days are yet to come and if i take any resolutions on this day then it would definitely be to prepare my heart and soul to fight out the deadliest situations of life and walk through the door of success.

They say love keeps one alive , i don't know whether it is completely true but i can definitely say it makes you feel better when you think you are losing. I am so blessed to have a family who has been encouraging me all through my life and the most loveliest girl friend who always makes me feel that someone is with me all the time. My birthday would pass as boring as my life here at reliance but the realization that i am 22 years old is a bit out of this place. But how should one be after completing his college? Professional? oh my god the word is so scary, so one should act like he is professional , this sounds better because i can mask anything before anyone, i think i am good at that thing.

How much ever boring your birthday might be but it is special in its own way because it comes only once every year, so it is at least as special as the other days in the calender. I guess one should be happy about his birthday because after all the things you hate about yourself it is your god damn birthday....and also because god threw one more idiot on this world. But i would definitely celebrate my birthday that year when i feel i have done something which justifies my life in this world. People are mad, one among them am i, may be a bit more , but it is good to be mad. Perhaps the thing which makes my birthday or this day special is that people who know me or who pretend to know me either call or remember me, so in a sense this is special, how special? not so much.............how important? very much, because the biggest idiot i have ever known was born on this day and to no ones surprise it is me........hehe.....happy birthday to me!!!!

"Welcome to my world"

I was sitting on the first platform of the vadodara station and was watching a train leave the platform. Then suddenly something struck me, i don't know what it really was but it asked me a question that why was i present in that place. Then i realised that life has driven me so far that i could not find where i was. Yes it is true i feel i am lost, living in this remote place so far from home so far from my loved ones. Is this really worth, i don't know. Dad says you need to get an admission in an IIM otherwise the world would not recognise you and you will remain as one among the million. But what if i succeed as per my dad's norms and become an iimer, even then i feel I'll remain one among the million because i feel i am not doing justice to myself.

I mean what is wrong with me, i don't know what i am doing, i don't know what my heart really desires, what i want to do. People other than me have been driving my life and i feel if i remain the way i am now my whole life would be steered by someone else. And yet again i come back to the same question what should i do? I feel i should take a long break but from whom am i hiding? i don't know, there is something in my life which is really really so not happening. I need a change, i need to move from this place, i need to interact with the outer world, i think I'll find my way if i move out of this place. I might be shoved down,once twice but I'll get back to my feet and run.

I feel like i am running a race which is definitely not ending in the near future. Compete compete compete. Fuck the competition and give me some time to ask myself what i really want. I am running out of time,there are only six months left and i would start a new race all over again, i need to understand my needs and deliver very soon. What if i never find what i want and get lost in this populous world, may be my loved ones are scared about the very same, but what if i don't get lost in the outer world but get lost inside myself,what if i lose my will. I hope god comes down to me and shows me a path to follow which would guarantee me complete satisfaction,i hope someone does.

The questions are endless and it looks like they would never end even after i get married, but there has to be a solution, a solution to my confused world, a solution to my wandering mind. So clogged it might seem but i know i would open all the ties and become free one day and succeed on my own norms. But as of now.......my life is a big ?!!!!

"The Kashmir conflict"

Kashmir,a part of India? a part of Pakistan or a part of China?
India and Pakistan came out of the misery of slavery and redefined new terms of misery on the people of Kashmir. They became independent in August,1947 and Kashmir was an independent province by then ruled by king Hari Singh. Due to the majority of Muslim population, the voice rouse against the Hindu king and the timid king made an agreement with the government of India and surrendered Kashmir to India allowing India to take full control and authority over Kashmir. Some dynamic actions by Vallabhai patel calmed things down when the agitation started but the dissatisfaction of the people continued ever since then.

When Pakistan too raised its voice for Kashmir, the issue became more sensitive and a matter of pride for both the countries. Ever since then there were three wars between the two nations over the Kashmir issue in 1949,1965 and the one in 1999 also known as the famous Kargil war. Kargil war was one of the most devastating wars in the history of the world which lead to massive destruction of human lives and property on both sides. The war started when Pakistan attacked the Srinagar to Leh highway which was the main source of movement of trade in Kashmir. India fought back and finally won the war and the Pakistan army had to retreat back.

Now Kashmir is divided into four parts,one in India,one in Pakistan(azad kashmir), one in China(asai chin) and the other bordering Afghanistan controlled by Pakistan and China. China occupied Asai chin in the 1962 war and mixed it with Tibet, but India claims it to be its own part even now. With such politically profound countries surrounded on all the sides the Indian owned Kashmir had the least peace since the last 6 decades.Due to these frequent conflicts between the interest of the countries and the dissatisfaction of the local people leading to civil riots,peace has never found its place in the lands of Kashmir. Such conditions also encouraged the rise of terrorism and saw Kashmir becoming the hub for terrorism.

India took control over Kashmir in October,1947 and promised them full democracy but it has not been the very same in Kashmir. The government policies were never acceptable and the desire for self rule was always negated by the central government. The people of Kashmir want to build a government of their own called the sardar-e-riyasat where they can have a self rule and the members of it would be selected by the people of Kashmir. But the central government was always against it and the state government was always elected based on the 20%voters who cast their vote. The remaining either boycott the elections or are not given provision to vote. This always agitated the people and kept the Indian army busy in Kashmir to maintain the momentary peace.

Civil wars have been very frequent with people chanting quotes against India and for Pakistan. For any bill to be passed in a state there has to be at least 2/3rd's majority of the rajya sabha and a majority of the half of the local assembly but this rule has never been followed in Kashmir. The Amarnath land transfer issue was one of the hot spot in the history of Kashmir which lead to the deaths of 40 unarmed civilians. The army in 90-99 was responsible for the deaths of 4501 civilians and raped 4242 women and girls in the age of 7-70. This made the people strictly against the Indian army and the main aim of the civil riots and the local terrorism is to push the army and the CRPF out of Kashmir.

Azhar Geelani and Umar Farooq hold the Kashmir movement strong today and recently the prime minister of India has promised to fulfil demands of the people. Recently an all India party meeting has been organised in Kashmir and the demands of the people have been brought to light. This was just a step towards a peaceful Kashmir but the consistent behaviour of the government in breaking the promises doesn't assure an immediate solution but the government is not to be blamed as it is itself tied with various issues like terrorism and national security.

"Poverty-Realization of the fact"

Man grew from the most unimaginable form to the most intelligent social being. As he grew,he also developed the things around him and gave them the wonderful lustre which are no more available for free in the nature but could only be bought by something called money. Money today is such an important term of life and the root of all the overwhelming things like economy, trade, revenue, growth, food, clothing, shelter and every single thing that exists in this world. It is the root for the basic needs of a human being. And the term poverty arises when people are not able to meet their basic needs.

The basic needs of the people in various countries differ with the cost of living in their respective countries. A term purchase power parity(PPP) is defined to match the basic needs of a human being in terms of money in various countries. Today world's population has grown to nearly twice in the last five decades and is just above 6.3 billion at present. Before stating the threatening facts, it is very important to know about the structure or the design of the world's economy scripted by the rich. The countries are divided as 1st 2nd and 3rd world countries depending on their economic condition. Or rather they call them the rich,the developing and the poor. As the elite section alone contributes to over 80% of the world's revenue,our major concern is the poor and the middle class people who are living their lives in poverty or are scared of falling into poverty.

The poverty line at present is drawn at 1.25$ per daywhich is regulated depending upon the PPP in different countries. In India it is around 21.6rs in urban areas and 14.6rs in rural areas. In todays world nearly 0.88 billion people earn less a dollar per day and over 3 billion people earn less than 2.5$ per day. The importance of these facts would be highlighted when compared with the spending of the rich countries on luxuries. Last survey in India states that nearly 27.5% of indian population fall under the poverty line which is nearly the population in the united states of america.

Further stating the facts, the lower 40% of the world's population account only for 5% of its revenue. Nearly 22,000 children die each day and nearly 27-28% of them in the developing countries are found to have underweight. 40 million people are suffering with HIV/AIDS and nearly 3 million deaths were recorded in 2001 alone. On a rather approximated calculation among 2.2 billion children on our planet nearly 1 billion of them fall under the poverty line that means every second child on this planet is born with the burden of poverty. Children devoid of education are nearly 121 million and in South Asia alone 706 million poeple live without electricity.

When poverty brings out light on such threatening facts, some other interesting facts should also be stated which would bring light on the luxury sepndings of the rich. Where basic education for all requires 6 billion $,providing water supply for all requires 9 billion $,giving basic health protection requires 13 billion$,the money spent by US alone on cosmetics is 8 billion$,revenue spent on icecreams in Europe is 11 billion$,on drugs is 400 billion$,alcohol 105 billionand on cigarettes is 50 billion $ every year.

The true understanding of the poverty may bring out the realization in people to help eradicate poverty. The last thing this world requires is war and artillery but the amount spend by the world wide countries on artillery and warfare is 1.1 trillion$ every year and less than 1% of it is required to to put all the children in schools While we should be proud of the 49 trillion $ economy of the world,we should also concentrate on the fact that only 20% of the population contributes to over 80% of the world's revenue. With 1.4 billion people not fulfilling their basic home needs, one cannot just rest but should help eradicate poverty or atleast try and contribute in their own way to decrease the poverty in our world.