"Welcome to my world"

I was sitting on the first platform of the vadodara station and was watching a train leave the platform. Then suddenly something struck me, i don't know what it really was but it asked me a question that why was i present in that place. Then i realised that life has driven me so far that i could not find where i was. Yes it is true i feel i am lost, living in this remote place so far from home so far from my loved ones. Is this really worth, i don't know. Dad says you need to get an admission in an IIM otherwise the world would not recognise you and you will remain as one among the million. But what if i succeed as per my dad's norms and become an iimer, even then i feel I'll remain one among the million because i feel i am not doing justice to myself.

I mean what is wrong with me, i don't know what i am doing, i don't know what my heart really desires, what i want to do. People other than me have been driving my life and i feel if i remain the way i am now my whole life would be steered by someone else. And yet again i come back to the same question what should i do? I feel i should take a long break but from whom am i hiding? i don't know, there is something in my life which is really really so not happening. I need a change, i need to move from this place, i need to interact with the outer world, i think I'll find my way if i move out of this place. I might be shoved down,once twice but I'll get back to my feet and run.

I feel like i am running a race which is definitely not ending in the near future. Compete compete compete. Fuck the competition and give me some time to ask myself what i really want. I am running out of time,there are only six months left and i would start a new race all over again, i need to understand my needs and deliver very soon. What if i never find what i want and get lost in this populous world, may be my loved ones are scared about the very same, but what if i don't get lost in the outer world but get lost inside myself,what if i lose my will. I hope god comes down to me and shows me a path to follow which would guarantee me complete satisfaction,i hope someone does.

The questions are endless and it looks like they would never end even after i get married, but there has to be a solution, a solution to my confused world, a solution to my wandering mind. So clogged it might seem but i know i would open all the ties and become free one day and succeed on my own norms. But as of now.......my life is a big ?!!!!